threshold<-->initiation part 1
death, yes homo, honey
think of a body
made of powders
many smaller bodies in a gust
body in the ether/ether body
closer to singular essential body
freedom from singular
gripping to something soggy
becoming sog
white water and white knuckles must let go. today, watching kelp dance in waves and tuned into the salt water channel, i wondered how things will change. will the submerged plants survive winter water? how do they begin and sustain?
it’s a relief to find those things that might sooth the gravity of this day. today marks two years since dad passed. what do you do with a death day? maybe nothing, but it demands to be noticed and a compliance with time.
last monday i returned from my 3rd year at honcho campout. 5 days of love in the grass and dust in the light, frolicking through gay woods. after my first campout in 2021 i felt cracked open, giggling at self-doubt and in awe of newfound family. immediately weary of inevitably loosing them to time. a quick solution– devout my life to love.
i entered campout ‘21 feeling wounded and isolated from months of housing instability and rejections. my inner wilderness seemed feral, exhausted, and unlucky. how could i be my “ideal” self and make meaningful connections? queer fam fund met me with open arms and smiles that now bring tears to my eyes. i learned about the courage of my heart and that you don’t have to be healed to heal. the land and people at campout brought me to a deep certainty that i belong in this world. a cue that spirit is never as far away as it may appear. it can be as close as the sun’s warmth beneath my skin or a hand to hold.
the strength and nourishment i found at campout helped me process personal tragedy. a week after i returned to new york i was devastated by the sudden death of my father. my greatest cheerleader and first best friend, his passing breaks my heart. the last time i saw him he was picking me up from a campout supply haul along with my dog to take care of while i was away. we talked plenty on the phone when i returned. an argument, reconciliation, and money to help me move. the day i moved into my new apartment i felt more centered and prepared for life than ever before. hours later i was insisting to be in my childhood living room with dad’s body. he had been home alone and i needed someone who loved him to be there.
campout’s harmony offered a sense of self that would become my greatest tool for navigating grief. when i felt like no one, i could seek remedy in the memory of myself as free and cared for. boundless in the fields, dance circles, and arms that surrounded me at four quarters.
campout continues to be one of the most enriching, soulful collaborations i’ve ever experienced. it is the threshold before initiation. its music, culture, and community models will always be a gift from black trans women. and an offering from huny young. huny young is the poetry of her name. “honey making is a world-creating art…”1 huny young is reuniting black and brown queer and trans people with the joy we were destined to know. huny young is inviting us to feel a new feeling, live life anew. her work is a lesson in camaraderie and collective power. her message is from the future-past, telling you we will certainly need each other in ways our ancestors did. we will definitely need to sway with besties new and old, gather around the fire at dawn, meet at the creek, rest, shake ass, rendezvous between the trees, and become the plants in our bodies.
thank you huny young, clark price, honcho, every staff member and volunteer who make it possible, the djs (diviners), queer fam cohort of 2021 (and every cohort to come), four quarters and its stewards, and ben.
the land occupied as Artemas, Pennsylvania is the land of the Shawandasse Tula, Shawanwaki/Shawnee, and Massawomeck tribes.
Order of the Good Death– Death Positive Movement
“People who are death positive believe that it is not morbid or taboo to speak openly about death. They see honest conversations about death & dying as the cornerstone of a healthy society.”
The Book of Symbols: Reflections on Archetypal Images, Archive for Research in Archetypal Symbolism, Honeybee pg 228